Tell her she can't have a vagina
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
