i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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