so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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