Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she told me i tasted like america
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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