Just cropdusted the office
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
