youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize