You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
