omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
