I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
