You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
well you can't waste a boner
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
