Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
