So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
