Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
