hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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