addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
thus making me awesome and them whores
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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