now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
