You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
