think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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