So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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