Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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