How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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