I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
