The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
