he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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