It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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