I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize