so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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