My brain says no but my pants say off.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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