i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
