Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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