if i died would you start the facebook group?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
