woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
is that a dick in a sweater?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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