I feel great
I just peed on a car
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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