just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
