The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
