I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He passed out mid-signature
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
