A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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