Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize