I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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