I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
