My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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