My liver just broke up with me...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
