i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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