: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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