Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
