I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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