The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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