I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
