This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize