too bad you live with your parents still
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
