you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
