When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
