no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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