if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
