i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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