if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
