Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
whose parrot is this?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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