Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
well you can't waste a boner
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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