i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
