I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
