This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
