she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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