whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize