if i died would you start the facebook group?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
