I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
