it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
