why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
