and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
