im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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