My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize