I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
