and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
