I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
