Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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