You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
