oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
