Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
