I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
