therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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